Disgusted by reactions to Phillip Seymour Hoffmans death

I’ve been quite shocked, and disgusted the way one group of people have reacted to Phillip Seymour Hoffmans death.There have been four different types of response that i have seen to the beloved actors death, from friends of my own and those whom i see all over various social media sites.

1) Extreme( and exaggerated) sorrow. Please, its not like you knew the man personally

2) No reaction/ not giving a shit. Hey, if you didn’t know the guy personally and his movies did nothing for you, i completely understand.

3) “addiction is a bitch, that’s horrible”. these people know what’s up and completely understand

and last, and most ignorantly:

4) ” i have no sympathy for anyone like that. they chose do put the drugs in their bodies” self righteous blah blah blah

The last response is what irritates and frustrates me the most. I understand the need for attention, and people who like to jump on the bandwagon of sorts, so i understand the  first response. I understand not being affected by it and not giving a damn. I really understand that addiction is a bitch. What i don’t understand is how someone can be so ignorant, and so heartless, to a situation. How are you ignorant if you identify with the forth response? The better question is, how are you not?

There has been major advancements in the science and medical fields in regards to the disease of addiction. If you still think its not an actual disease, consult with any qualified MD, and they’ll set you straight. Its a brain disease. It affects peoples reasoning abilities, and lies in the part of the brain where the reward and punishment circuiting lies. Its not a disease that is procured through participating in certain activities, you’re born with it. I dislike the comparison people make when they say having the disease of addiction is like cancer or diabetes. I see it more in comparison to autism or a form of being mentally handicapped.

To the person who says ” Well they put the drugs in their bodies, its their own fault”; addiction and being an addict goes way beyond the drinking or the drugs. Most people become addicted to something long before the drugs or booze come along. Living in fantasy, video games, eating, sex, gambling, stealing, lying, and many many more. These are things that addicts get hooked on first. Anything that alters the mind, alters perception, makes you feel good. These are the things that triggers the addicts obsession and compulsion, and once that happens, ITS ON. Irrational thinking and behavior replace the normally mild mannered individual, and they’re already thinking of their next fix while they’re still on their current one. They can’t help it, and the majority of the time, whether they want to admit or not, they wish they didn’t think that way.

PSH got clean(sober) at 22. That is amazing. Right at the age where binge drinking and occasional drug use is socially understood, it takes a lot of strength to get sober so young. And before anyone gets on their high horse about his drug overdose, the man had a period of sobriety that lasted longer than I’ve currently been alive. During that time, he accomplished many things, many things that he was recognized nationally and internationally for, and other things the average person is not recognized for, such as starting a family and supporting them. All these things I’m sure he would attribute in some way to being sober and in recovery. Recovery allows for a new, and even better shot, at life. And PSH soaked it in for all those years. Unfortunately, along with recovery often comes relapse. Whats sad isn’t that he fell off the wagon, but that he didn’t have the chance to get back on it. Prolonged abstinence and recovery is very hard, but not impossible. “May the odds ever be in your favor” ( bad joke? i couldn’t resist). But in all seriousness, the odds aren’t in your favor. The statistical probability of someone living with this disease remaining clean for an extended period of time is slim; that’s not to say that people don’t do it; hundreds of thousands of people recover from this disease every day, and some even die having remained clean for the last however many years of their lives. But the disease isn’t cured with simple abstinence from drugs and alcohol, as they are only symptoms of the disease.

You live with the disease for the rest of your life, and you can continue to live and attempt to get better as long as you don’t pick up. Unfortunately, liquor stores don’t close and the dope man doesn’t disappear because one individual got sober. Temptations and delusions, in all forms, are always around the corner hiding, and waiting, and tend to sneak up on addicts when they’re least expecting it. 

No one wants to live this way, on the contrary, most people vow that they will do anything to not become the people depicted in DARE classes they took part of in middle school. So don’t ever think that there is a whole lot of choice involved with this disease. The disease itself makes you think that there are no other choices but to continue living the way you are. Most people do not know that help is available and that there is an alternate way of living for those that have the disease of addiction. Without knowledge, how does one get to the help he so desperately needs?  ” just stop doing it”. Yeah, you try “just stopping” doing something that you’re physically and mentally dependent on.

Those with the disease of addiction say that they wouldn’t wish this disease on even their own worst enemy.Because, they know. They know what it does to their familes, friends and loved ones. And they know the torment they have suffered by their own unwilling volition. Its horrible, completely miserable and extremely painful,mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally painful. For the person that lacks the compassion for this sort of situation, pray that you’re never suffering opiate withdrawal and ask me for help, because i’ll laugh at you and walk away. If you can’t find compassion for the person that overdosed and died, find it for their families and friends for whom that person left behind. They will be tormented and hurt by their death for a while; and trust me, that person did not want to leave them behind, they just wanted the pain to stop. And it has.Image

 

single Vs committed relationship

IMG_649469621139723

Having Been on both sides of the coin, I can tell you that there are clear advantages and disadvantages of being single and being in a committed relationship. But just like like anything else in life , it has its ups and downs. When its good, its great. When its bad, it blows.  Here are some of my observations of the good, the bad, and the ugly of the struggles/successes of being either single or i n a relationship. 

Pros of being Single:

1) You have unlimited time to do whatever you please. If you wanna go out with the guys(or girls) and chase some ass, you can. Video games, books, whatever it is, you have time to get shit done. Also a time to work on yourself, get back in shape. Hit the gym up. 

2) You got the bed to yourself. There’s something pretty satisfying about waking up completely sprawledd out and not having to worry about kicking someone.

3) More time to hang out with your circle of close friends. 

4) you can let yourself go from time to time. I’m pretty sure the idea of no shave November was thought up by single men. And I’m not entirely sure, but I’d venture to guess that s fair amount of single women provably don’t shave their legs for most of the winter. 

5) you have one less person to piss off on a daily basis. 

Pros for being in a relationship

1) Sex.  Let’s get that out there right away. I don’t care who you are, its important and amazing whether you want to admit or not. 

2) Dates. You have someone to go do shit with. A movie that maybe your friends don’t want to see? A new restaurant. Whatever it is, you got someone to go with. 

3) specific conversations. There’s just some stuff, like how your day went, that No one wants to listen to. But your boo will at least feign interest And will pretend to care how much your boss sucks or how terrible traffic was today. 

4) new friends. When you get in a relationship, you’re automatically afforded the opportunity at a whole new set of friends. New friends=new possibilities. 

5) someone to fight with. Someone to disagree with but also someone that’ll forgive you. 

Now its time for the cons. When it rains it pours right?

Single

1) you’re probably sexually abstinent. Whether its by choice or not. This leads to frustration and a quick temper. No me gusta

2) no one to vent too (that will listen or even pretend to care)

3) no one do certain activities with. Or at least its a lot harder to Find someone to go with. 

4) endless scrolling on dating websites, apps, social media Just further confirming that you are alone. 

5) You’re alone. At points you debate on cuddling with a carton of ice cream.

Coins of being in a relationship

1) sharing your stuff. Apartment, bed, shower, friends. Nothing is only yours anymore. 

2) you’re alone time is minimal. You consider 5 minutes of peace and quiet an eternity. 

3) youre free time is now occupied and its probably not filled with stuff you’d wanted to do. 

4) your significant other has learned your little ticks and tricks and calls you out on your shit. In other words, you can’t get away with nothing. 

5) You tend to have less money. And forget about saving money. 

My theory on this is that most of this should be easily relatable, regardless where you are currently in your life. If you identify with and agree with 3 out of the 5 in one of the sections, your probably in the opposite situation. If nothing besides informative, hopefully you got a laugh. 

how to deal with stupid people

I tend to be a quiet person. I think a lot of people around me tend to wonder why that is..  I think for the most part is because I choose to employ a very valuable lesson that my parents taught me when I was younger. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

What does that have anything to do with me being quiet? Well, let me explain. we could have an entire conversation that elapses for a few minutes, and my mind gets stuck on that one thing that you said. that mind-blowingly idiotic bunch of words that came out of your mouth like “I only going 20 over the speed limit, I don’t understand why he pulled me over” .

That’s what my mind focuses in on. you could have been laying out plans to make the economy bounce back before and after you decided to add that little snippet into the conversation, and chances are I wouldn’t have heard a word of it.

Point of what I learned a long time ago, is that some people tend to say the most incredibly dumb shit when you let them continue to talk. And the two nicest things that I could possibly do for a person like that are to

A) not enable that retarded brain fart that person just unleashed by agreeing to just “be polite”

And

B) not halt the conversation mid sentence to point out what a moron this person is for generating such a thought that even a 5 year old would recognize as completely retarded.

Some people talk so that others can agree with them. some talk to gain sympathy. Others just like to vent. In regards to people of the unintelligent variety, do not enable them

( you end up feeling less intelligent as a result)

Do not lash out at them

(You end up feeling bad for telling the truth)

What I have found works best for myself is to just let them get off whatever is on there chest, and be as non committal as possible when responding. Sure you probably have to sit through a potentially long conversation that you would consider killing small children to not be a part of, but in the end, you’re the one walking away a better person. They think they just told you the most important thing in the world, and you don’t inform them that you’ll never get that time you spent listening to that word diarrhea back.

Spiritual principle of kindness

Image